Sh!t My Husband Says

More hilarity, brought to you by my husband:

After seeing a for sale ad for a used copy of 50 Shades of Grey:
“Eeew! Used erotica!”

After reading him this tweet of mine:

Me: I mean, a baby comes ripping out of you!
(I will add that he was awake for way too many hours after working nightshift the night before)

After I made fun of him for some reason I cannot remember:
“I’m a delicate little butterfly with tissue paper wings!!”

After seeing a commercial for (YES, that’s a real dating website):
Me: “What? 34 makes you a cougar??? Are you f-ing serious?”
Him: “You’re only 7 years away from being a coug’ dear!” *goes for a fist-bump*

While playing Words With Friends against a friend:
Him (to the friend): I could play the word “tampon” against you but I don’t think it’s a word. Is it a word or a brand?
Friend: I think it’s a word.
Him: Yeah, right; Tampex is the brand. Tampon is the word.
Meanwhile, I’m killing myself laughing.

Sh!t My Husband Says

More hilarious head scratching conversations with my husband!

Talking about my upcoming shopping trip in Kelowna:
Me: I really want to find a new pair of boots for the winter.
Him: Your boots are so not good for winter! You need a pair with rubber soles and that can hold up.
Me: You mean Sorels?
Him: Yeah!
*I scrunch up my face*

Folding Isla’s laundry when he comes across her new swimsuit:
Him: I think you need to buy Isla a new swimsuit.
Me: What?? Why?
Him: It looks like a strap fell off!
Me: What? Let me see! *I inspect it and nothing is wrong with the suit* There’s nothing wrong with it. See? It’s a “one shoulder” suit! (There’s a spaghetti strap on one shoulder)
Him: This is going in your “Shit my husband says” blog, isn’t it?
Me: You know it.

After I saw a commercial on TV for diamond rings:
Me: They’re my best friend!
Him: But which would you rather have: A shiny, diamond ring, or your Macbook?
Me: … Macbook! It’s more handy.

I hear him say something from the kitchen right before we went to bed:
Me: What did you say?
Him: I was just saying goodnight to my phone, you know, since it’s in a bed of rice.
(Backstory: Kyle’s phone got some “drool damage” from Isla. She was really cranky while visiting family and chewing on his phone was the only thing that was making her happy. His phone had a good “sleep” and it’s working again.)

Sh!t My Husband Says

Sometimes, my husband says the sweetest things to me that remind me of how much I love him. Sometimes, he also says some thing that make me LOL or wonder if he’s from another planet. Here are some of the LOL and WTF moments:

After coming home from nightshift:
“You know that social club I’m a part of at work? I have to bring spinach dip to our luncheon on Sunday.”
Me: “So I have to make spinach dip on Saturday?”

While driving in my car, “Billionaire” by Bruno Mars and that other guy whose name elludes me comes on my iPod:
“Isn’t this the guy who sings the tequila, marry me song?”

One of his coworkers is going to become a Dad in February …
“They should name the baby Thunderbolt. Thunderbolt Cassidy has a good ring to it.”
(I should mention that the coworker thought we should name our baby Hurricane or something like that.)

While watching the original Batman movie (the one with Adam West):
“Do you think they have WCB for super heroes?

Back when I was pregnant, Kyle bought me a whole pineapple to eat because it’s suppose to help induce labour …
Him: “I want you to eat this entire pineapple by tomorrow morning.”
Me: “No way! I’ll hurt so much!”

I’m so lucky to have a husband that makes me laugh! His humour is exactly what I need sometimes.

What ridiculous things has your SO said lately?