TMI Thursday: Post-partum Edition

It’s TMI Thursday, kids! Shield your eyes, Ethel, it’s the post-partum edition! Also included are a couple things I forgot to mention during my birth story. Yay!

– You know what’s fun? Spraying breast milk EVERYWHERE. This is what happens when your child unlatches from your nipple unexpectedly in the middle of a let down. It was like Texas Chainsaw Massacre, milk edition, in my living room.

– Also fun: Boobs that are hard as a rock because you don’t have the heart to wake your child to eat but your boobs are engorged with milk. The pain!

– The pure thought of your first poop after giving birth is terrifying. Suppositories are your friend. So is Preparation H. They don’t make it any less scary, but at least it’s marginally less painful.

– No matter how much you don’t want to, look down below after childbirth. Why? Well, to make sure everything is healing properly. As scary as my nether regions looked, I know that I’m healing up properly and that I haven’t blown a stitch.

– When your water breaks, it feels like you’re taking the biggest pee ever. And, I didn’t know this until Kyle told me after the fact, but apparently, I did indeed pee while my water was broken. Sorry about that, Dr. O’C! So, not only will you poop yourself, but you’ll pee yourself during labour as well.

– Speaking of pee – because I had an epidural, I had a catheter “installed” (inserted?). So, there I was, post-delivery, with a tube taped to my leg and pee flowing into a bag hanging from the side of my bed. I’m sure my visitors were thrilled to see that. Also – it’s the STRANGEST thing not realizing that you’re peeing. In fact, I nearly peed myself after the nurse removed the catheter the next morning because I was not used to going.

– I’m pretty sure I know what drug addicts feel like when they don’t have any drugs for a long period of time. Because the doctors had pumped me full of fun stuff during my labour (fentanyl, morphine, epidural stuff, and God knows what else), afterwards I had the WORST itches all over my body. It was horrid; I feel a little bad for crack addicts now.

– Be prepared to throw all your dignity and self-conscientiousness out the window during labour. It’s funny, when we first went to the hospital, I shooed my mom away when the nurse asked me to drop my pants & underoos. There was no way I wanted my mom seeing my who-ha. Come pushing time, I could care less. Maybe it was the drugs, maybe it was me just wanting the damn child out of me, but I threw all dignity out the window. I didn’t care.

Things that make me go “Hmm…”

I just want to give a shout out to a couple things that make me scratch my head. Maybe this will turn into a series post, maybe not. For now, here’s what’s making my go “Hmm”:

– The nail polish on only one of my toes always comes off completely after about a week or so of application. Proof:

Okay, so my nail polish isn’t looking so hot, but really – ever since I started using a base & top coat the polish always, ALWAYS comes off that one toe. Even when I had my pro pedicure before the wedding, a couple weeks later it was the first toe to lose its colour. I’m baffled. It doesn’t even chip, I’ll just wake up and it’ll be gone! Sorcery, I tell you. Just pure, evil sorcery.

– Extreme couponers. I’m sorry, but you DO NOT need eight sticks of deodorant. Why? because 1) Half the sticks of deodorant will expire before you ever get a chance to use them and 2) No one actually smells THAT bad unless they don’t shower. Ever. Unless you spend so much time cutting coupons that you don’t have time to shower. Then you just have a whole new bag of issues that I’m not willing to dice into at this point in time. Extreme couponers are ridiculous and I blame it all on that TLC show. To the women who quit their jobs to collect coupons: Maybe if you HAD a job you wouldn’t have to use a dozen coupons when buying shit at the store.

– Those tissue paper-like “covers” that you can use in public washrooms. Okay, I get the point of them, but can’t you just hover over the bowl? And if your business is more serious than having to just hover, can you not hold it? Or if you can’t – would you really bother with a silly, flimsy piece of tissue paper to (literally) save your ass? I wouldn’t. Just saying. I’d rather risk exposure to germs than crapping my pants.

Hmm, well, this post got a little carried away into the TMI category, now didn’t it? May as well through this one into the TMI Thursday category. (Yes, that’s a shout out to the Queen Mum of TMIT. Respect.)

Anything making YOU go “Hmm” lately?

Down Dog/Downward Dog/TMI Thursday

So almost a month ago, I bought Jillian Michaels’ Yoga Meltdown DVD:

Image found here

It sat in my DVD rack for quite some time, partially because I was afraid of it and partially because I was so busy with freelancing and moving that I didn’t have the time or energy to pop it in and give it a whirl. On Tuesday morning, I finally got a chance to try it out!

I started off with Level 1 because I’ve never done yoga before, and it was still really intense! My flexibility apparently isn’t what it used to be, but I could really feel the burn! I don’t know if I have favourite pose, but I can tell you that my least-favourite pose is the camel pose:

Image found here

It just made me feel like I was going to roll backwards. Or that my neck was going to break. Moving onto the TMI part …

Daphne also decided to join me during the first little bit of the workout, which also brings a whole new (yet obviously dirty) meaning to the “Downward Dog” pose.  Yep, my beautiful, majestic and otherwise normalish canine decided that she would harness her inner instincts and tried to mount me while I was in the downward dog position. Awesome! I kicked her from the position, to which her response was to start growling and trying to shove me over. Thanks Daphne!

I’m glad I shut the curtains, because I’m pretty sure the neighbours would’ve got a great chuckle out of that little show.

A couple other things I learned quickly: Loose shirts are designed to come up and over your head and if you change into shorts and a sports bra, the dog hair on the carpet will stick to you if you sweat. No wonder why you use those special mats and wear tight clothes for yoga!

So, now I know that yoga won’t kill me, Daphne will probably keep trying to rape me, and to maybe invest in a yoga mat.

Happy Thursday! Got a TMI workout story to share?