When I Was Young …

… I used to think that “euthanasia” was “youth in Asia” and I didn’t know what the big deal was.

… I didn’t know how to make coffee and so I re-used the grounds when I worked for a country restaurant/market.

*****

I had a bunch on other ones in them head too, but as soon as I sat down to write them, I forgot. Go figure.

Happy Monday!

TMI Thursday: Grind it, Baby

Hold onto your shirts boys and girls! It’s time for TMI Thursday, originally hosted over at LiLu’s page. You should probably go check her out, because she’s the shiz!

And now, it’s time for more information than you probably want to here and a little dose of self-embarrassment …

**********

As some of you may have known, last Friday was my birthday. What you didn’t really know was that a couple nights beforehand, I had a horrible mental breakdown which involved crying and me telling Kyle that I have no friends. (Basically, picture me sobbing about having no friends the way a 6-year-old would) I even went and cancelled my “event” on Facebook. (Not that anyone was really going to be effected. I had no friends, remember?)

I ended up just going out for dinner with Kyle, the Roommate, C (who’s the Roommate’s girlfriend as well) and my Dad. When we got there, a dear friend of mine from Edmonton (See: a good 15-hour drive away) magically appeared from the upper level of the restaurant. It turned out to be a good night and he and C convinced me to continue on with my original plan to go out dancing after dinner.

After a double Caesar and three double Paralyzers, I was really feeling no pain, despite my non-broken in 4″ stilettos. I danced my face off. And then came the lap dance.

C and I were taking a break from dancing to catch our breaths and quench our thirsts (with more drinks of course) and some random song came on, but it must’ve been catchy, because I proceeded to give C the best Goddamn lap dance of her freaking life. I should’ve been a stripper.

Oh, of course, I didn’t remember this until the next day when Edmonton Friend reminded me publicly on Facebook. Thanks! That was awkward. Let’s hope my grandma doesn’t see that.

Of course, Kyle and the Roommate thought the idea of two girls lap-dancing it up was great. The false promise of girl-on-girl action continues. Sorry guys!

The “P” Word

Yesterday I had a lovely follow-up appointment regarding this post. Turns out, after peeing in another f-ing cup, I have an infection of some sort. (And, for the record, if I’m ever asked to pee in a cup ever again I may stab someone). Cue antibiotics!

Anyway, after my bloodwork came back clear the doctor poked at me some more and then said,

“Okay, well, I’ll have you do another urine sample and we’ll check (some weird medical term) and for pregnancy just to rule it out.”

Me, in my head, “WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY????” That P word scared the crap out of me. The “just to rule it out” part went in one ear and out the other. Yeah, I know I’m not pregnant, but holy mother-trucker, hearing the Doc wanting to do a preggo test was not on my menu for today.

Yeah, that one was negative and I have some weird infection which resulted in the doctor wanting me to go to the special lab to pee in another cup, but man …. never have I been so nervous peeing.

It’s not that I don’t want kids, because I eventually do. Note “eventually”. Sure, I could probably survive financially right now if I did get knocked up, but it’s really not me and Kyle’s life plan. Other than already living together, our plan is rather traditional. House, marriage, babies. The end.

So yeah, having a medical professional suggest that is terrifying. Maybe I’ll practice abstinence until I’m ready just to prevent all that. I bet that would go over well!

Ever have a moment of panic when you knew nothing was wrong to begin with?