WTF Friday 5.0

Last Friday, I almost died. While vacuuming. Not even joking.

Okay, maybe I’m joking a little, but still, I wish someone would die. Her name is Edith and she’s like that little old lady in that Drew Barrymore/Ben Stiller movie The Duplex who just won’t die. Except it’s not a better house that I want (although I do want one of those), it’s a vacuum. Meet Edith:

She’s about 25 years old, which I think dates back to the Triassic period in vacuum years, and I. Hate. Her. I want a new, sleek, sexy vacuum that doesn’t have electrical tape holding her together SO BADLY, but since this is Kyle’s mom’s and she won’t give it up, I’m stuck with her. “Why buy a new vacuum?? This one works perfectly well!” Yes, perfectly well if the electric tape holds the spliced wires together and the plug-in stays together.

So back to my near-death experience. I was vacuuming away, about 1.5 songs through my house cleaning routine when I went to pull Edith along to vacuum the living room. Her cord was a little tangled, so I pulled a bit more when there was a huge spark and Edith stopped sucking. (Har har har!) Scared shitless, realize that Edith’s cord had snapped in two right at the base. “Great,” I think. “She’s dead! NEW VACUUM!” Except I figure that I should try and fix her just to say that I tried.

I managed to bare enough of the wires to try and twist them back together to get Edith to work again. I plug her back in, turn her on and NOTHING. I was excited yet horrified at the same time. Excited because I’d be able to get a new vacuum but horrified because the MIL loves that stupid vacuum and has issues with holding onto things. I unplugged her and tried again. Success! Expect why did I try fixing her? WTF was I thinking? Now I’m still stuck with her, Edith, the crazy bitch vacuum in the closet who just won’t die. Maybe I should pay off the mob to put cement around her hose and throw her into the drink. Or maybe I should just get myself one of these:

Happy Friday! I hope it doesn’t “suck”! (LOLZ)

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6 thoughts on “WTF Friday 5.0

  1. We got our vaccuum for like $50 at Canadian Tire. It works really well, we just never use it. Honestly, we’ve vaccuumed maybe three times in the 2 years we’ve lived here. It sounds disgusting but 95% of our condo is hardwood :)

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    • The majority of our place is hardwood laminate. It’s AWFUL because the dog hair just gets everywhere. Daphne sheds too much. At least with carpet it hides a little bit.

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  2. We’ve got an old beast, but at least ours is an upright vacuum. This thing is so loud that I seriously can only vacuum during certain times of the day, so that I don’t disturb the neighbors too much. Thankfully we only have carpet in our bedroom, so I don’t have to vacuum quite as much.
    Every time something gets jammed in their and clogs up the vacuum, I tell Stephen it’s broken and that it’s time to get a new one. He’s caught on to my sneaky plans though and fixes it every time. Grrrr!

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