Things NOT to say to a parent, ever

Since Norah arrived in our lives, Kyle and I have heard our fair share of unsolicited advice and oddball comments. While some of them make sense and are actually helpful, a few comments have been said numerous times and really just leave us scratching our heads.

“You sure have your hands full!” Unless you’re willing to drop what you’re doing and lend her a hand, bite your tongue. In fact, advert your eyes and don’t even give her a sympathetic look unless you’re going to help pry the chocolate bar out of her toddler’s hands at the grocery store checkout and put the soother back in her newborn’s mouth so she can pay for her gallon of milk.

“When are you going to have another baby?” The last thing a parent wants to hear is when she plans on getting pregnant again, especially you’re asking this question within the first few months of her most recent child’s arrival. Her answer to the question most likely changes on a daily basis

“Well, you have two X, so I guess you’ll have another to try for a Y, right?” Wrong. Families can be just as “complete” with two girls or two boys as those with one of each gender. Sometimes, parents decide to have three children just because they want three children, not because they’re trying to fill some kind of gender void. That’s what pets are for. (I’m kidding. Kind of.)

“You know what you need to do …” Most people aren’t overly keen on taking advice from people they barely know to begin with. Believe me, the parents have probably tried every suggestion in the book and hearing the same advice over and over again doesn’t help fix the problem, especially if the issue at hand has anything to do with fussiness. And if you do suggest something and they say if didn’t work, don’t respond with, “Weird, it worked for little Timmy when he was fussy,” it’s like adding insult to injury.

“Was your pregnancy planned?” This is probably the most inappropriate question to ask a woman who’s either expecting or has a newborn, especially when you don’t know the woman. Does it matter? The answer is simple – No. Regardless of whether or not a pregnancy was planned, the baby will surely be loved just the same.

“Are you breastfeeding?” Does it matter? Yeah yeah, they say that “breast is best” but sometimes nursing is a challenge and a new mom is unable to breastfeed her baby. Unless you’re a health professional and you need to know, how a woman feeds her baby is none of your beeswax. If a baby is happy, healthy and growing, then that’s all that really matters.

Yes, I’ve actually been asked all of the above by either complete strangers or someone who doesn’t really know me well. While in my head I’m screaming, “WHY WOULD YOU ASK ME THAT? BACK OFF!” I usually just politely answer with a simple Yes/No/Maybe answer and leave it at that.

The one that makes me the most frustrated is the one regarding to try and have a boy, which I will probably elaborate more on in a post of its own.

Do you have kids? What are you sick of hearing from people you barely or don’t even know?

Moments of Motherhood: Lifestyle Adjustments

20150806_165736After yet another, semi-unintentional, hiatus, I’ve back again with my Moments of Motherhood column! This time, there’s a change to where the “Continue reading” link takes you. The Armchair Mayor News website has now merged with a new news website, NewsKamloops, and when Mel asked if I’d like to keep writing my column for the new space, I couldn’t say no.

In this column, I write about how having kids forces you to make adjustments to your life, and how those changes can sometimes be a little chaotic. Here’s a snippet:

As I sit here and write this I’m enjoying an uninterrupted bowl of cereal, a giant cup of coffee, and a wonderful silence throughout the house. The baby woke up at 6:30 to nurse and is back asleep in her crib, and my toddler is having a rare morning where she sleeps in.

These days, moments to myself like this are few and far between. Most mornings are chaotic from the minute my 3-year-old stumbles out of her room, which is usually before I even have a chance to wake up myself. And as Murphy’s Law will have it, not long after she’s awake, the baby is too and my attention is divided several different ways.

[Continue reading…]

Moments of Motherhood: Second pregnancies are no cakewalk

1VeaOrz7hXMMxkOmldDJs4MXSfgscPXP_lgI’m back again over at The Armchair Mayor News this week, this time discussing how second pregnancies have less “magic” and novelty than the first time around.

Here’s a snippet:

Not too long ago my husband very lovingly said to me, “Women really must have the worst memories ever.” Normally I’d argue with him and try and defend myself, but he’s kind of right.

Allow me to elaborate on why I so easily raised the white flag of defeat: Any day now, Baby Evans Numero Dos will be making her appearance and while I couldn’t be more excited to meet our new addition, I’m also finding that second pregnancies are overrated.

Now, before everyone starts slinging comments shouting, “Why have kids to begin with if you think that?” allow me to lower the flag a little and explain myself.

[Continue reading …]