It’s been a year already since you passed and not a day goes by where I don’t have some kind of thought about you. Whether it be remembering all the things you’ve done for me or little reminders here and there, it’s still so hard to deal with you being gone.
It’s remarkable what you’ve missed out on in the past year – the birth of your great-granddaughter, her first Christmas, her crawling absolutely EVERYWHERE. Isla would have been so spoiled rotten if she had got to meet you, and I know she wouldn’t mind at all. I’m certain that Grandpa loves her just a smidgen bit more because of you because he knows how much you were looking forward to meeting her.
I’m still at a little bit of disbelief that you’re actually gone and how quickly you left this world. I still don’t think it’s fair and I’m still having a hard time accepting everything. I know they say that everything happens for a reason, but I can’t seem to find a good reason as to why you were taken from us so soon. If this was a part of “God’s plan”, I’m pretty sure it’s not the best one He’s had.
Please know that you will forever be remember and loved by everyone who knew you. You were truly an amazing woman who brought joy to the lives of everyone you met.
I love you, and miss you so terribly much.
To my teenaged self,
There are many things right now that you think you know the answer to, but really, you don’t. Not that you’re completely wrong, but you’re not completely right. Where shall I start?
For one, boys really do think with their dicks. They’ll tell you that they’ve liked you for x-amount of years, but the truth is, they’ll tell you that just so you’ll date them and really, they say that to all the girls they like. Also? They’ll use you. They’ll play with your feelings. They’ll make you think that they like you just to get something from you. But – That’s what being a teenager is. You’ll eventually learn that the right guy WILL come along, and when he does, don’t play with his head. There will be ups and downs in the relationship, but it will always work out and in the end you’ll have no regrets. (I promise!)
You’ll also find that friends come and go. You’ll be upset about it for a while, but don’t fret. High school friendships come and go and shouldn’t be taken too seriously. (Kind of like high school romances). There will be times later on in life where you’ll probably miss that friendship a little bit, but keep in mind that things always happen for a reason and there’s always new friends to be made down the road. It’s okay to be a bit of a loner.
There will be times when you’ll feel pressured to do and try things that you probably shouldn’t. These choices aren’t necessarily the right ones to make, but it will be a live and learn experience. Don’t ever feel compelled to do things just to make people like you; these things will just hurt those who matter the most – your family especially. They’ll still love you – that’s what family is for after all – but don’t lash out at them just because they do. Even if you don’t think it’s fair.
Finally – Remember to love yourself no matter what. Ignore what people say about you, because they don’t know the TRUE you. You’re amazing, you’re perfect just the way you are. Never forget that, even when you don’t think it’s true.
Your future self
At first, I was going to write a “Letters” post. Then, I changed my mind and though a Bullets post would be good. That I switched back to Letters. So now? Now you get a mess of a post with both.
- I am at a loss as to what to wear for my rehearsal. LOSS! Casual? A little dressy? Shlumpy? Maybe something will catch my eye when I go shopping next time. Although nothing did when I went last weekend (which was extremely disappointing!)
- One of Kyle’s best friends from high school is getting married as well in the summer and we sent our RSVP marked “Accepts” with plenty of time before the due date. This same friend has yet to mail his back for our wedding (due date next week) and sent Kyle a message on Facebook stating that he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to make it due to finances, but – he’d like Kyle to attend the bachelor party – in Vegas. Make any sense to you? Me neither. Neither of us knows how to respond to that.
Please stop addressing me as “Karen,” especially when everyone else calls me by my actual name. Next time, I’ll correct you. Boo-yah.
That’s Kara, not Kar-EN.
- I just realized my watch was still an hour behind from Daylight Savings Time. It’s a good thing I don’t actually use it to tell the time, only to look professional.
I don’t like how you’ve moved from my throat into my sinuses. I’m taking this as an “Up and Out” process to which you’ll actually leave my body and let me get some rest once and for all.
- I have been informed that the only time all my bridesmaids can get together for my Staggette is two days before my wedding. *sigh* I’m thinking I’m just going to forgo the Staggette, have a bitchin’ birthday (which is a month before the wedding anyway) and have a lovely shower on that day instead. There’s too much to do the day before the wedding, and I can’t afford to be hungover and useless. I can’t even say I’ll take it “easy” and not get crazy drunk, because that’s the only kind of drunk I get when I’m celebrating. I’m classy that way. I don’t even really care about having a Staggette. Really.
- Kyle worked his first two night shifts Monday and Tuesday and it’s thrown us both off a little. He doesn’t know what day it is and I’m starting to lose track too. *sigh* Welcome to the life of a shift worker’s wife (to-be)!
I’d really like you to get here. Stop toying with me. I don’t appreciate waking up to sun and putting on shorts only to have to change into long pants an hour later. At least you did that to me before I left for work. Although now that I’m here, it’s GORGEOUS outside. Quit playin’ games (With my heart). (Yes, I just quoted Backstreet Boys) (Don’t tell me you didn’t notice)
Dear Little Black Flats,
I love how cute you are and how comfortable you are on my feet now that you’re broken in, but I absolutely HATE how smelly you make my feet. Seriously. Odor-Eaters don’t even help. You’re lucky you’re the only comfy pair of cute spring work shoes I own.
- I shall now leave you with a video I shot with my phone of my Mom’s crazy cat, being spun around in his box by my brother. What I didn’t catch on the video is the cat going back into the box while it was still on its side and it falling back over with him in it.
- This is why I’m a dog person. Crazy cats.
Have any letters or bullets you’d like to share?