Friday Letters

Dear Lab Nurse,

Please be gentler the next time you take my blood samples. I feel you’re an evil vampire in disguise. My arm is killing me still.

Kind regards,
Your human prey

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Dear Ice Hiding Under the Snow,

I don’t appreciate your attempts to assassinate me in the morning while I’m walking to my car. While you’re great for skating, you’re not so great when I slip and fall on you. Please melt and go away. I hope you understand.

Sincerely,
Kara’s balance

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Dearest Coffee Mug,

Don’t ever leave me, especially when you contain the substance that prolongs my existence and patience. May you always keep my caffeinated beverages hot and delicious.

Yours forever,
Kara

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Dear Union for Job #2,

While I appreciate your efforts to making my job better, I think my union dues could go towards something better than a 5-year membership pin. The bubble mailer may have been overkill as well.

Regards,
Cranky, Under-Paid Employee

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Dear Bridesmaids,

I’m glad you girls are so supportive and awesome. I promise not to put you in puffy salmon-coloured taffeta bridesmaids dresses. As long as you do everything I say. Just kidding! You three are the best.

All the best,
Kara’s Inner Bridezilla

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Dear Kyle,

Thank you for being so patient with me and all my wedding planning ideas. I promise to let you have a say in some of the details. You’re the best guy a girl could ask for! I can’t wait to be your wife.

Love,
Kara

Letters

Dear Mr. Doctor Man,

Please tell me at my appointment this morning that there is nothing wrong with my and having ultrasounds was just a waste of time. I don’t mind having my time wasted, as long as there’s nothing wrong with me.

Regards, Kara

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Dear Wedding,

Right now, I’m more than certain that if you came tomorrow, I’ll have everything I need, except cake. And my dress, unless it magically appeared on my doorstep fitted and ready to go.

Love Kara

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Dear Christmas,

I’m excited for you to get here, but I’m not excited to have four of you again. This is starting to be too much.

Cheers, Kara

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Dear Job #1,

Please work out in my favour. (I’d tell you more, but I don’t want to jinx myself!)

Sincerely, Kara

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What are your letters for the day?

A Letter to Myself

Dear Self,

Today, after you go get your new video game, you will not play it, no matter how badly you want to rip open that plastic packaging. You have a ton of freelancing work due on Monday next week and you are faaaaar too much of a procrastinator to be playing video games. Hell, you probably shouldn’t have pre-ordered the damn game online, but you wanted the special pre-order expansion pack bonus. You, my friend, are a nerd.

So, if you’re good and you finish all your freelancing on Friday like you said you would be, you can play video games all weekend, or at least until you have to go to work. Sucker.

Signed,

Your Better Judgement