I’m going to start knocking on wood now, because you can never be too sure …
Guilt is a funny thing and it hits you at the strangest times. Like how tossing out a giant chunk of leftover lasagna that’s been in the fridge for a week makes you think of starving children. Or driving to work in your nice, warm, heated seat car while people are waiting for the bus in -30°C weather.
For me, when I learned I was pregnant, I had a huge wave of guilt. I felt guilty that it only took three months of trying after being on the pill for eight years to conceive because I know so many people, in real life and through blogging, that have been unsuccessful in many ways. I’ve heard about so much loss that I just feel guilty being happy around them.
To me, it’s like I’m rubbing it in their face. For some, the wounds are still fresh, still very real, and still hurt so bad. I don’t like to bring up my own pregnancy, whine, gripe or groan about it. Hell, I even feel marginally uncomfortable being around them.
For those who have healed and let things be, I still feel guilty. It’s like saying, “Hey, remember that one time … oh wait, no, you wouldn’t.”
I know the last thing people want it a pity party and for me to pat them on the head and say “There there, it will be okay,” because it won’t necessarily will be. I can’t imagine how I would feel if I was never able to conceive or if I did and wasn’t able to carry to term, or even worse … carry to term and lose a newborn. It’s unimaginable and I don’t think anything could ever come close to that pain.
I just don’t know how to act or react around these kind of situations without feeling guilty.
How would you feel?