As most of you may have gathered, I live with two boys, Kyle and Roommate. Kyle and the Roommate are actually really the bestest of friends. They met while going to Welding school together back in 2007 and have been together ever since. (I like to joke that they have a Paul Rudd, Jason Segel, “I Love You Man” relationship)

Anyway, for whatever reason we tend to have rather inappropriate dinner table conversations. Ones we’d never have if our grandparents were at the table, looking at us with scowls on their faces. It is with this in mind that I present to you a new series: Dinner Table Conversations.

While talking about what rape is, or something like that: (I tend to ignore them and only listen to bits and pieces of the conversation)

Kyle: (jokingly) Oh, you know it’s unconventional sex.
Roommate: You mean un-consensual.
Kyle: No no, I mean unconventional. It’s unconventional if it’s in the ear.
Me: …..

*****

Kyle: You know, if we had to eat one of us to survive the zombie apocalypse or something, Kara would be the best choice.
Me: *blank stare* What? Why???
Kyle: Well, I’m too fat and [Roommate]’s too thin. You have a good balance of muscle and fat.
Roommate: He’s right. I’d be too stringy.
Me: Gee, thanks guys …

*****

Background info: Our dogs sometimes act like lesbian lovers.

Kyle: You know, when of them passes away before the other, the one still living is going to be so lost.
Me: Yeah, it’s true. It’s going to be so depressing!
Roommate: Yeah, I mean, who would she 69 with?

**********

Thanks for tuning in kids!