Missing Her

It’s been six months since my grandma passed away and it still hurts so much to think that she’s no longer with us.

I’ve been thinking about her a lot lately; I don’t know if it’s the post-pregnancy hormones, but often the smallest thing triggers a memory and I’ll start to cry. For example, I was watching Long Island Medium and I just started sobbing. Maybe it was because the people on the show were able to get some closure after the death of a loved one, I don’t know.

I’m not saying that I didn’t have closure when my grandma passed. We had an amazing relationship and never had to bury the hatchet on anything. Her last words to me were that she loved me so much. I just miss her terribly. I don’t know how my grandpa can do it, coping so seemingly well. Mind you – he’s been working SO much, keeping his mind on things other than the fact that the love of his life was taken from him so suddenly.

This time of year my grandparents were always busy getting ready for their annual trip down south, but no matter how busy they were, my grandma would always make sure to make the time to say “Goodbye” before they left. It was around this time last year when I told my grandma that she was going to become a great-grandma, and she was SO excited! I had to remind her to keep it a secret until December, after they left for the south, and I know it was so hard for her, being the social butterfly that she was. (I swear she spent more time on Facebook than I did!)

The very last time I saw my grandma, I was still pregnant. Although she couldn’t talk because of her stroke, I could see in her eyes how excited she was to see my baby bump, how she looked at it and gently rubbed it with the little amount of strength she had. It hurts to know that she never got to meet her great-granddaughter; Isla would have learned so much from her Nana. I’m glad my grandpa is around enough to see Isla grow, and I can see the love in his eye when he looks at her.

I know you’re not really supposed to stop missing someone, but I know it’s supposed to get easier with time. I’m not sure how much time I’ll need, but I’ll get there eventually I guess.

2 thoughts on “Missing Her

  1. Thinking of you Kara. I can’t even imagine how difficult that would be. I don’t think time necessarily “heals” those kinds of wounds, maybe just makes them less fresh? Absolutely nothing wrong with missing and grieving your grandma 6 months, or 6 years, down the road. XO

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