Tag Archives: Moments of Motherhood

My village

Posted in Moments of Motherhood, Parenting by

We’ve heard it a million times before, “It takes a village to raise a child,” and I’m not going to disagree. From relatives to daycare providers, doctors to dance teachers, there are so many people who enter our children’s lives and influence them in some shape or form. Hell, even my actual next door neighbour has taken part, taking Isla for her first trick-or-treating adventure last year.

While many of these villages that we parents are a part of are filled with “real life” people, I’m lucky enough to be a part of a virtual village as well. Call me crazy, but there’s 149 woman whom I’ve gotten to know over the past two years and sometimes I feel closer to them more than my “real life” friends sometimes. We relate to one another on a whole different level, and that’s not something you get every day.

So allow me to backtrack a bit: I was never a part of an online baby group when I was pregnant with Isla. I never thought to join one but after hearing about the support one of my friends found within her own birth group I figured I’d give joining one a try when I learned I was pregnant with Norah.

Finding a group was relatively easy; the pregnancy tracker app I had on my phone had a corresponding website with a message board community. I was able to find a sub-community of moms who were also all due in (or close to) June 2015 and one member was in the midst of creating a Facebook group. I asked to join and before I knew it, there were about 200 Canadian moms in one space of the internet.

I’m not going to lie, I was a bit skeptical of being in this group at first and I wasn’t sure what to expect. I figured that if I didn’t enjoy being in the group I would just leave and keep on my merry way. (I even said to Kyle that I’d probably leave the group after Norah was born, but here I am still, 2 years after joining!) Lets not kid ourselves, 200 women with pregnancy hormones can be a dangerous place to be in the real world, but give them the anonymity of a keyboard and the internet and it can be a whole new level of crazy.

There was all kinds of crazy in the beginning; fake profiles, fake pregnancies, ridiculous debates, etc., but they were all quickly weeded out and the remainder of us began our “bonding” process. The rest, really, is history.

I never would’ve thought that 150 women from all different backgrounds could all get along so well. From morning sickness to our baby’s milestones, we’ve been there to cheer, laugh, and even cry with one another. Our group is our village and it’s a place where there is brutally honesty without it being verbally abusive at the same time, and in a time where the virtual pen is often mightier than the sword and hate flows a little too freely, I’m thankful we have this understanding amongst one another.

Some (or in reality, most) would say I’m crazy for entrusting 149 strangers with the nitty gritty, personal details of my life, but how is it any different than the vast majority of people on Facebook? One person with 1000 Facebook “friends” certainly cannot be honest to God friends with every single one of them, no? Not wanting to go off on a tangent, I’ll just stop there and save that for another post someday…

So here’s to you women. You know who you are. You are my “people” and while I may have only met a couple of you in real life, I don’t think I ever feel more connected to a group of strangers.

 

 

Nothing is a Given

Posted in Moments of Motherhood, Parenting by

There are things in life that are for certain: The sun will rise in the east and set in the west, the grass is green, fall weather makes the leaves on the trees change their colours. While simple, these things are a few of things we can be sure of happening, life’s little guarantees.

There are also things that while they may seem simple enough, they are not. Like conceiving. Sure, when stripped down the math is simple: Have sex, get pregnant. In reality however, there are so many other factors; Ovulation. Egg count. Sperm count. Overall health. Conceiving is so much more complex than bumping uglies.

I’ve heard many people say over and over, “When we decide to get pregnant,” as if pregnancy is a given. However, what if it takes longer than anticipated to get to a place in your career where you feel comfortable or safe to take that time off to have a baby? And just because you decide to pull the goalie doesn’t mean than you’ll shoot and score on the first try. Unfortunately, the longer we wait to try and get pregnant, the riskier pregnancy can be.

And some women struggle for months, even years, before they get those two little pink lines on that intimidating white stick. Some even have to spend thousands of dollars on fertility treatments to have a child, and even then, it’s not guaranteed that there will be positive results. It’s unfathomable to think about not being able to have a child when that’s something you’ve dreamt about for as long as you can remember, and it’s heart-wrenching.

I really do wish bringing a new life into the world was as guaranteed as the sun rising and setting and that we women were all “Fertile Myrtle’s,” but sadly it is not, and I hope those waiting for the “right moment” in their lives to start trying at least acknowledge that.We cannot just decide to have a baby, but we can decide to give it a go. The rest is up to the powers that be, fate, or faith, whichever your give your heart and soul to. Fingers crossed, if you will.

What’s in a name

Posted in Moments of Motherhood, Parenting by

Once upon a time, when I used to have a job, a coworker gave birth to her second child. (At the hospital, not at the office, just to clarify.) Everyone was excited to learn about the details: time, weight, length and of course, the name. I just happened to tell one person the name of the baby, and she scrunched up her nose and stated that she didn’t like the name, which I found to be odd because it was a “normal” name and also just so happened to be on my “list” of names for a future Baby Evans.

There are plenty of baby names I don’t like for one reason or another; perhaps I don’t like the way it rolls off my tongue when I say it, or it reminds me of someone I don’t like. But never mind what I think, because the number one thing parents need to remember when naming their baby is that they shouldn’t give two flying woo-hoos about what other people think about what their baby is named. (Unless, of course, they sign the birth registration while they’re still high on pain meds and name their baby Hashtag or La-ah.* Expect a lifetime of “La-what-ah?”) I’m a big advocate for not revealing a baby’s name until after he or she is born because I’m afraid of the people who will try and talk you out of the names you’ve chosen. If you tell them afterwards it’s more of a done deal and they just have to live with it: Too bad, so sad!

Whether it’s a normal family name that’s been passed down through generations (I know someone who’s a “III” and not just a Jr.), or something as simple as the only thing you could agree on (like my own), you’re probably going to be judged by someone at some point. It most likely won’t be to your face, but it will happen and you’ll be able to tell when a person questions your choice. I know for damn sure that there are people who aren’t fond of the names Kyle and I gave our daughters, even though they’re relatively normal names. Some may argue that Isla’s name is too complicated to pronounce (damn those silent letters!) or that Norah’s middle name is too masculine, but we don’t really care because those were the names we liked.

Nowadays when I hear a name I don’t particularly like I try to remind myself that it’s their child, not mine, and they can name it whatever they want. Margaret Catherine Elizabeth Victoria IV? Why not?! I may not have to like it, but it’s not my child to name. That being said, please remember that the majority of children are not the children of super celebrities. They can get away with naming their kids Saint or Blue or Pilot Inspektor** because they will all go to school together and bizarre names will be the norm. Don’t punish your child by making them the only Sunrise Moon Blossom in a classroom full of Olivias, Jacobs, and Mallorys.

How much thought did you put behind the names you chose for your children? (Or future children?)

* These are actual names of actual children. I wish I was kidding.

** Again, actual names.