Inside Our Household

I originally saw this post on Amber’s blog, and then again on Holly’s, so I thought I’d jump in too!

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Vacation Time: I get three weeks per year and Kyle gets three sets. (He works 4-on, 4-off, so when he takes a set off he gets 12 days off). We rarely take vacation time to go on trips though, which is something that will probably change now that we have Isla. Family vacations are definitely in our future! Last year Kyle took time off to do yard work. Boo! In the fall we’re pondering a trip to Vegas together, providing we can con my mom to watch Isla while we’re gone.

Work: Although I’m on maternity leave now, I work part-time and he works the 4×4 shift (two dayshifts, two nightshifts). He’s a welder at a copper mine, I’m an editorial assistant at a newspaper.

Food: I do the meal planning and grocery-list writing, and usually we both go to the store together. Call it a family outing, but I like grocery shopping together! We’ll go about once a week to stock up on fresh produce and necessities for Kyle’s work lunches, and to buy this and that for whatever meals I have planned. While he’s working, I’ll make dinner, but when he’s not, we’re both HORRIBLE at figuring out dinner. We’ll eat way too much take out and garbage food. (Baaaaad us!) When Isla gets older I know this will have to stop.

House Cleaning: I like to think that we have a bit of a schedule for cleaning. I vacuum the floors every 8 days (Kyle’s first day back to work) and mop with the Swiffer when needed, and the bathrooms get done every two weeks or when they’re looking especially nasty. Kyle’s good for noticing the little details – like the dust bunnies under the fridge and the dust. I’m SO bad for not seeing that stuff!

Laundry: I try and get most of it done, but sometimes Kyle will run out of something and he’ll start a load of laundry. He’s also awesome at doing Isla’s and will start it if he notices that her basket is getting full. We probably do 2-3 loads a week, and the sheets on the bed get changed once a week as well. Luckily we have 3 sets so I don’t have to wash sheets too often.

Yard Work: This is definitely Kyle’s department.Fun fact: I have mowed a lawn ONCE in my life, and it was because Kyle didn’t believe that I hadn’t. So, he made me and quickly seen why. But, I do try to help when/where I can, like picking up dog poop, weeding and shovelling snow. I’m also BAD at keeping plants alive, so I’ll plant them but Kyle has to keep them alive. I’ve been told I’m not allowed to have plants outside anymore. Makes sense.

Home Improvement: Again – ALL Kyle. I’m bad for saying something like, “You know what would look good?” and then Kyle will try and make it happen. I’ll admit that I’m a bug pain in the ass when it comes to suggesting home projects. But again, I’ll help when/where I can. For example, he hates taping rooms for paint, but I actually enjoy doing it.

Communications: We both communicate with our friends and family, myself probably more than him. He calls his mom once or twice a week to check in and say hello, and I go visit my mom 2 or 3 times a week. We share the same group of friends, so that helps too. We can all hang out together, which always makes for a fun time! I take care of the Christmas cards in the winter and am the general “spokesperson” when arranging appointments or meetings.

Activities: We both tend to be homebodies, but there are a few activities that we enjoy doing together. We just became members of the Kamloops Target Sports Association, so we like to go target shooting at the range, and we do enjoy a good UFC fight. Now that Isla is in our lives, we don’t have as many “random” adventures as we used to, but I don’t mind.

Finances: This is DEFINITELY Kyle’s department. He takes care of the mortgage, the loans, etc. I’m absolutely clueless when it comes to all of that stuff. We have a joint chequing account, so all of our money is pooled together for the mortgage, bills, and everything else. We also have two TFSA accounts – one in my name and one in his, and Isla has her own savings account for when she wants to go to university. We also have a joint AMEX card for Costco, but separate credit cards for “fun” purposes. With the joint chequing account, the credit cards make secret present buying a little easier, lol

Pet Care: We’re both pretty bad at walking and exercising the animals, but with the weather being pretty cold, Campbell doesn’t like to go outside. Daphne’s also getting old, so any exercise for an extended period of time makes her sore and limpy. :( I usually feed them, but Kyle will if he’s home or if I’m busy with Isla or something else.

Who Wears the Pants: I like to think that we share the pants, but who knows ;)

Am Not

There are a lot of things that I don’t think of myself as. For instance, I am not:

– Fit, or aspire to “be fit” by joining a gym or start a jogging routine.

– The healthiest person ever, eating habit-wise.

– The perfect parent.

– Sociable. I have no close friends in town and I don’t go out (or get invited out) hardly ever.

– “Popular” by any standard.

It’s hard not to dwell on what we aren’t and to not let them get drag us down. I find that I quite often compare myself to others – “Oh, if only I could be as fit/healthy/dedicated/popular/ as …” Thinking about all the things I am not can get depressing and sends me spiralling into a pit of self pity. I really need to start thinking about everything that I am. While I’m not those things that I listed above, I am, however:

– Somewhat athletic, and I can’t wait to get back into playing slo-pitch in the spring next year.

– A pretty decent cook and I pride myself on making good food, even though it’s not necessarily “good for you” food. Besides, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, right? ;)

– Dedicated to raising my daughter as best as I can and I don’t aspire to be “Super Mom.” As long as my daughter grows up and is happy with who she is, I think my work is done.

– A great friend to the few I have. I suppose they are the “true” friends – They get and understand my quirks and honesty. If a friend can’t do that, then I don’t really consider them my true friends.

– Accepting that I’m not one of the “popular” kids. I suppose it’s my introvertedness, but I’m kind of okay with not being invited for coffee dates, movie nights, or lunchtime gossip-fests.

I have to constantly remind myself that for every “Am not” I think of about myself, I have a HUGE list of “Am’s.” I’ve been putting on the “woe is my” face too much lately and I really just need to think happy thoughts. In a nutshell:

I am what I am

What are or aren’t you?

Sacfrices

Parenthood is about sacrifices. You sacrifice your time, your job, your life to raise a child. You set aside your own needs, like sleep and meals, to keep your child happy.

One topic that comes up once you have a child no matter what is work – When you’ll go back and if you’ll go back. Being a stay at home mom (SAHM) is something a lot of women decide to do after having children, but many decide to go back to work as well. I don’t know if I’d call it a hot topic, but a lot of women I personally know have opted for the former.

For me, going back to work is what I want to do. It may make me sound like a horrible mom, but I actually miss work; I wouldn’t give Isla up for the world and I definitely DO NOT regret having her, but I honestly miss being at the office. I miss interacting with people, watching news happen, being part of a team; not that I’m not a part of a team at home – Kyle and I make an awesome team, but you get what I mean. Luckily, I’ve managed to find childcare (already!) for Isla when it’s time for me to go back to work. And it may sound selfish, but I’m already looking forward to getting back to work, not to escape Isla, but because I love my job. By no means am I saying that I don’t want to raise my kids. I believe that you can raise your kids and have a job at the same time, it just takes some fine-tuning in life.

I’ll clarify that having Isla was not a mistake – I wanted children and knew that I’d have to make some sacrifices in order to have them. I knew that if I wasn’t able to find affordable childcare when my maternity leave was over I’d most likely have to put my career on hold because let’s face it – childcare is expensive and going back to a part-time job where more than an entire paycheque would go towards care seems ridiculous financially. Putting my career on hold would mean that I stay at home and care for my kids until they were going to school and it would be possible for me to go back to work. It would be a tough decision, but a necessary one.

So for now, it’s back to work for me when the time comes. I won’t be skipping with joy into the office, but I don’t think I’ll be sobbing in the car because I’ve left my baby with someone else. I just hope I’ll be able to happily balance work and being a mom.

If you chose to go back to work or chose to be a SAHM – What made you decide?
If you don’t have kids yet – What do you *think* you’ll do, since what we think and what we end up doing sometimes differs?