I pondered this question the other day and wondered, “Am I just newly wed or am I a newly wed?”
Confused? I don’t blame you.
Let me break it down for you: For example, Kyle and I just got married a couple months ago, therefore we’re newly wed (the verb). But – are we newly weds (the noun)?
I don’t really picture us as being the noun. The noun screams to me as couples who haven’t been together for an extended period of time before getting hitched and who still have issues and learn new things about each other after they get married.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking those who dated for two year and then got engaged. Old Kara – the Kara who still wasn’t engaged after being with the same guy for eight years and who would hate on people getting engaged – would hiss at those people in a jealous rage. New Kara – the Kara who’s finally married to her boyfriend of nearly nine years – now wonders and hopes that those people are really ready to take the plunge into newly wed-dome (the noun). Regardless of what our age would’ve been (18 years old, to be exact), at two years of dating we certainly were not ready to get married. We still didn’t know each other inside and out. We still didn’t know what buttons to push to make each other angry, happy, or swoon. It took us at least five or six years of being together to figure all of this out, and even now that we now each other really damn well, we still have the odd pissing match.
I think people are almost disappointed when they ask me “How’s newly wed life? Have things changed?” and I respond with, “It’s good and not really.” Nothing more, nothing less. The only thing that has changes is that I love him a little bit more than I used to, our finances have combined and my last name is different. We haven’t uncovered any skeletons from our past all of a sudden or fight about life-changing decisions. We argued about all of that way before getting married. Long story short: Marriage didn’t really change us.
So – with all this being said – I think Kyle and I are just the verb more than the noun. We hashed out all those nitty-gritty details way before we actually said “I do.”
What do you think makes a “newly wed?”
If you’re married, how long did you date before you got married? Did that length of time affect your marriage?
If you’re not married, do you think you’ll be the noun or the verb?
5 thoughts on “Newly Wed/Newly Weds: Verb or Noun?”
I’ve always thought of it as the noun. You’re newly weds the first year after marriage regardless of how long you were together before your wedding.
I agree with Amber! You’re newly weds whether you’ve been together for 1 year or 10!
I think all relationships are so different, it’s really hard to base whether someone is ready to get married or not by the amount of time they dated. Eric and I started dating in high school so it makes sense that we’ll have been dating for 7.5 years by our wedding next summer. If we had started dating later in life (say in our late twenties) I could see getting married after only a couple of years of dating (or less!) I know people who’ve had successful marriages and gotten engaged after a couple of months (though I really don’t think that’s for me.)
I definitely find a certain comfort in knowing that marriage really won’t change ANYTHING between us other than having rings on our fingers, though.
Even after 5.5 years together (holy crap!) I still don’t feel quite ready to be married. I’ve been independent since 17 and we’ve lived together for four years so I consider myself fairly worldly and grown up, if not necessarily mature :P; in comparison, friends who still live at home and have only been with their guys for a couple of years are itching to get married. Different strokes.
I honestly think it’s both. But I don’t think being a newly-wed (the noun) really changes you. My husband and I had been together for 2 years when he proposed and were together for 3 years when we got married. We’ve now been together for 6 years and I think we are constantly changing. I hope I’m still learning about him (and him about me) when we’re old and wrinkly.
I think being a newly-wed is a state of mind. It’s that honeymoon stage. It doesn’t mean that you weren’t quite ready for the plunge. Or that you were. It just means that you’re in a new phase of your life.
I have a completely different take on things since I’m not planning on living with my boyfriend/fiance until we’re married. So we will REALLY be newlyweds and getting a crash-course in what it’s like to live with one another. I do see your point, though. Things haven’t really changed so it’s hard to think of yourself as a newlywed BUT YOU ARE. Embrace it and cherish this first year of marriage. :)