Category Archives: Parenting

What’s in a name

Posted in Moments of Motherhood, Parenting by

Once upon a time, when I used to have a job, a coworker gave birth to her second child. (At the hospital, not at the office, just to clarify.) Everyone was excited to learn about the details: time, weight, length and of course, the name. I just happened to tell one person the name of the baby, and she scrunched up her nose and stated that she didn’t like the name, which I found to be odd because it was a “normal” name and also just so happened to be on my “list” of names for a future Baby Evans.

There are plenty of baby names I don’t like for one reason or another; perhaps I don’t like the way it rolls off my tongue when I say it, or it reminds me of someone I don’t like. But never mind what I think, because the number one thing parents need to remember when naming their baby is that they shouldn’t give two flying woo-hoos about what other people think about what their baby is named. (Unless, of course, they sign the birth registration while they’re still high on pain meds and name their baby Hashtag or La-ah.* Expect a lifetime of “La-what-ah?”) I’m a big advocate for not revealing a baby’s name until after he or she is born because I’m afraid of the people who will try and talk you out of the names you’ve chosen. If you tell them afterwards it’s more of a done deal and they just have to live with it: Too bad, so sad!

Whether it’s a normal family name that’s been passed down through generations (I know someone who’s a “III” and not just a Jr.), or something as simple as the only thing you could agree on (like my own), you’re probably going to be judged by someone at some point. It most likely won’t be to your face, but it will happen and you’ll be able to tell when a person questions your choice. I know for damn sure that there are people who aren’t fond of the names Kyle and I gave our daughters, even though they’re relatively normal names. Some may argue that Isla’s name is too complicated to pronounce (damn those silent letters!) or that Norah’s middle name is too masculine, but we don’t really care because those were the names we liked.

Nowadays when I hear a name I don’t particularly like I try to remind myself that it’s their child, not mine, and they can name it whatever they want. Margaret Catherine Elizabeth Victoria IV? Why not?! I may not have to like it, but it’s not my child to name. That being said, please remember that the majority of children are not the children of super celebrities. They can get away with naming their kids Saint or Blue or Pilot Inspektor** because they will all go to school together and bizarre names will be the norm. Don’t punish your child by making them the only Sunrise Moon Blossom in a classroom full of Olivias, Jacobs, and Mallorys.

How much thought did you put behind the names you chose for your children? (Or future children?)

* These are actual names of actual children. I wish I was kidding.

** Again, actual names.

Two’s plenty, three’s a crowd … or is it?

Posted in Moments of Motherhood, Parenting by

madhouseNorah had woken up more times than normal the night before. She didn’t want to go down for a nap. I was tired, physically and emotionally. Frustrated, I put Norah down in her crib so I could leave her room and calm myself down, walked out to the living room where Kyle was, and announced to him that I was done having children.

“I’m done with having kids. No more children.”

Of course, making that kind of decision out of frustration isn’t something that Kyle would let me do, but at that moment in time, I just felt it. And bless Kyle’s heart, because he has told me that he’s done after two kids and he very well could have skipped off to Dr. Snippy so I couldn’t go back on my statement. The fact that he didn’t just goes to show how much he cares about me and doesn’t want me to decide on something so permanent when I’m having a moment of defeat in parenting.

Was it a bluff? Not in particular. Am I seriously done having kids? Well … I don’t know. There are most definitely moments where I’m screaming in my head, “That’s it! I’m done! NO MORE!” and then the following day the girls will turn my heart to mush and my uterus gives me the ol’ wink wink nudge nudge and I think, “Ah, what’s one more?!”

Except having three kids is a total game changer and the decision to have “just one more” is proving to be a lot tougher than the decision to have a second child. I know everything right now is just a phase, just like it was when Isla was an infant, and that if/when we have a third Isla will be in kindergarten so that will alleviate some of the chaos at home, but it doesn’t make things easier, per say.

For one, we’d need to upgrade a lot of things in our lives. Goodbye, small, compact car that I can zip around easily in. Hello, behemoth minivan that better come with a rearview backup camera because MOVE OVER, MOMMA’S COMIN’ THROUGH!

Then, there’s the whole “Where do they all sleep?” issue. While I have nothing against room sharing, I know they can’t/won’t want to share a room forever, so we’ll eventually have to upgrade our house to something with more bedrooms. Space is fairly tight as it is right now but we’re managing okay; adding a fifth body will make things a little too cozy for our personal likings.

And of course, all three of them are going to be brilliant and will want to go to med school, so there goes any plans for an early retirement. Goodbye, snowbirding. Hello, second mortgage!

I know all of this makes us sound horribly selfish but sometimes you have to look at things with your head rather than with your heart, and I think that’s the point I’m at right now. If I were to draw out a Pros and Cons chart, the cons would most definitely outweigh the pros. In fact, I can’t think a good reason why I want a third, other than the fact that I don’t feel done having kids yet. I don’t even want to have a third just so we can “maybe” have a boy. I’ve discussed this before, but having a boy isn’t a big deal to neither Kyle nor I.

In time we’ll make our decision together, when I’m not about to pop a blood vessel because Norah has been fighting her beauty rest and she’d rather scream in my face than get some shut eye. For now, we’re content with our two children and having an equal parent to child ratio. If number three is in that crystal ball somewhere, we’ll make room and love him or her just as much as numbers one and two.

Introverted Parenting

Posted in Moments of Motherhood, Parenting by
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{image found here}

I’ll start off by making it clear that I’m not writing this post looking for a pity party or pity friends. If I wanted attention I’d pull a Britney: Shave my hair all off and throw milkshakes at people. This post is more about my desire, or maybe lack thereof, to have Mom Friends… 

In the World of Moms, I often feel like a bit of a loner. I sit here in my house most days of the week, just existing with my kids. Sure, I take Isla to swimming lessons twice a week and to dance lessons once a week, but by no means does that make me a social butterfly. I sit there while she does her thing, talk to Norah (if she’s awake), and mind my own business.

While I have no particular to become BFF’s with the other moms at Isla’s extra-curricular activities, I can’t help but feel a little left out. Here are all these women gossiping having in-depth conversations about their jobs, where their next playdate should be, and which kid is sick at daycare {again!}, socializing and being outgoing. Maybe it’s my resting bitch face, but not very often am I addressed by any of these women, and if I am, it doesn’t last long before I’m back to sitting quietly off to the side checking in on Facebook to see if anything exciting has happened in the past 3 minutes.

Social butterfly, I am not. I am the One Mom Wolf Pack. Mom Squad of One. On social committees and PAC’s find me, you will not. But, that doesn’t mean I dislike people altogether. I enjoy interacting with other adults, but I like holing myself up in my Fortress of Solitude a little bit more. It takes me a while to warm up to new individuals and I’m not one to reach out on a whim, and that’s probably my biggest challenge with making (and keeping) new mom friends.

image via Buzzfeed

I once met another local mom who I followed on social media but never actually met in person before. It was her suggestion and I figured, “Why the heck not?! Potential new friend? Yay!” Except it was weird and awkward and we really had nothing in common. Basically, it was like an awful blind date and we never met up again. That experience left me feeling a little hesitant to reach out to new faces, so I avoid social events unless there’s someone else who I know and can cling talk to.

Sometimes I find myself thinking, “What about me?” when I see other parents hanging out together and going on park/play/lunch dates, jealous of their friendship and wondering why I’m not good enough to be a part of their crew, but then I always remember this one time I was waiting for one for Isla during one of her extracurriculars when one parent (who I actually knew outside of class) sat down and started chatting me up. It was kind of nice talking to another adult about adult things, but then someone more entertaining showed up and that was it. “Right,” I thought. “We’re not actually friends. We’re acquaintances. You’re welcome for keeping you occupied until someone better came along.”

“Am I that lame?” I wondered. “Do I need to do more outgoing?” Then I snapped out of it because I knew the answer: No I’m not and no I don’t. I have no desire to throw myself out there and do things I don’t necessarily enjoy doing just to become better friends with someone or be a part of the Cool Mom Clan. I’m sure if you were to ask Isla, I’m pretty f-ing cool enough.

In the past I thought my disinterest in socializing with “strange” parents would have a negative impact on Isla, but she has proven that isn’t the case. We’ll go to an indoor playground, and she’ll beeline it for the jungle gym and make friends with whoever she fancies. She proudly proclaims that she’s playing with “her kids” and like most toddlers, following along with whatever shenanigans is happening. Isla is proof that an introverted parent can have a totally outgoing kid.

Oh, and just so we’re clear, I do actually have friends. Some of them have children, some don’t, and we see one another when we can. I’m happy with the people I’ve surrounded myself with; they get me, I get them, and we’re never too good or not good enough to hang out with one another. Introverts, unite! We just get one another, yah know?