There are certain things that irritate me about some pregnant women. It’s like being pregnant brings their obsession/time spent on Facebook to a whole new level of crazy, and it always seems to get worse when the baby comes.

So, I present to you, Things I hope I never do:

– Before baby is born, I don’t plan to have my ultrasound photo as my profile picture. Because someone did that once when the baby was not very baby looking and it looked like a vagina. Sorry. I’ll post it to Facebook, but won’t make it my profile picture.

– Take photos of them using the potty and post them on Facebook. That’s just horrible and cruel. Yes, “Everybody poops”, but not everybody needs to know that little Timmy just went #2 for the first time in the potty. I know I’d be embarrassed if my parents did that to me.

– Announce every day/week/month, “OMG, I can’t believe my baby is x weeks/months old!”   Also: “Happy 1 month!” It just bugs me.

– Change my Job/Occupation to “Stay at Home Mommy” or “Mommy.” I don’t know why this one bugs me so much, but it does. Maybe it makes me sound like a feminist, but being a stay at home mom is not something I’m setting out to do.

– Post about baby being the the “90th percentile” or whatever for weight and height. I don’t even know what it means, really, and it just sounds like bragging. As long as the doctor isn’t saying stuff like, “Oh my, what a sack of bones/little porker/midget” I’ll be happy. I’ll also be happy if the doctor says my kid is tall/long. Kyle and I are both short, so we’re cheering for a genetic anomaly that our kid is somehow tall.

– Have every single status update be baby related. Maybe I’ll throw something in about my dog every other day, but I definitely don’t want to have a timeline full of, “Love my baby!”, “Love being a Mommy!”, “Baby this, baby that, blah blah blah.”

Now – if I happen to do any of this I give all of you permission to send me hate mail and report my posts as spam on Facebook.

And I’m going to apologize to any readers who have actually done any of the above mentioned. I’m just going to assume that your pre-pregnant selves thought it was just as annoying. If not, then maybe I’m just a mean and awful person.

So, now that all that is covered, let’s move onto our regular programming!

How far along? 18 weeks

How big is baby? He or she is about 6″ long from crown to bum, and weighs about 7 oz., according to BabyCenter.ca!

Total weight gain/loss: At my doctor’s appointment last Tuesday I gained 5lbs! I’m actually a little excited about it, to be honest.

Maternity Clothes? My total is still two pairs of pants (one pair of jeans and one pair of work pants) and one shirt. I went to Walmart to find cheap pants ($25!) but I don’t fit their smallest size. Boo.

Stretch marks? Still none! I bought cocoa butter lotion Saturday to help prevent them.

Sleep: I’m sleeping through most of the night, only waking up about once per night. Win!

Movement: I can feel little bubbles moving about in my tummy, which is definitely baby! It’s so surreal, and it made Kyle feel like a million bucks. I can’t wait to feel actual little kicks!

Food cravings: Nothing out of the usual really. It’s probably because I’ve always gotten weird food cravings. Oh well.

What I miss: Not being scatter brained. My spelling and grammar skills have taken a shit kicking; it takes me at least three tries to type out a single sentence these days.

What I am looking forward to: Sleeping on my stomach. Is it weird that I miss this the most already?

Milestones: Feeling definite baby bubbles :) It’s so amazing! Also, not really a milestone, but the doctor to delivered me (we’ll call him Dr. F) is subbing in for my doctor (Dr. O) while he goes on vacation next month. Dr. F was actually my doctor before he retired too, who referred me to my general practitioner (we’ll call him Dr. W). Because Dr. W doesn’t deliver babies, I started seeing Dr. O. Confused yet? Basically, things have come full circle, and I’m pretty excited/thrilled that Dr. F will be seeing me while Dr. O is gone.

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